Face it: StarCraft is the philandering husband who we loved madly for a couple of years until he got up and left one night without warning. Now almost ten years later, he’s back on our doorsteps: unshaven, stinking of booze, and sporting lipstick marks all over his face.

Unlike so many gamers ready to be whisked away again, I’m not some two-bit whore ready to run right off with him. I went through all the stages. I cried, I begged, I got angry, and finally, I moved on with my gaming life. It’s not to the point where StarCraft has some ‘splainin’ to do. It’s way past that point. He’s got to earn my love and respect all over again. I don’t care who the game is or what we once shared.

Blizzard Entertainment has gone so far as to proclaim “Hell, it’s about time.” Now that’s got to be on the short list for understatements of the decade. When a bumbling corporate giant is willing to publicly admit that much, it says a lot about what the reality is. It’s not about time. It’s way, way, past the time in a galaxy far, far, away.

Blizzard showing up nearly a ten years later with StarCraft II and then trying to chuckle it off with “Hell, it’s about time” is not enough for me. Imagine a group of paramedics smoking pot for a week before showing up to a major highway tractor-trailer accident with the same line. You can connect the metaphor however you want: StarCraft Ghost could be either the getting-high-waste-of-time or it could be the car wreck disaster.

Yes, they’ve got a slick new website with two awesome trailers (one gameplay, one cinematic) that will both make fans wet themselves with tears or otherwise. Yes, they’ve got amazingly sexy concept art and screenshots that are both as pretty as they are unnecessary. Yes, they’ve got everything but the game. And that’s one of the worst parts about it if you ask me. The industry has changed so much from the original StarCraft days. With the ridiculous hype and the calculated release of more and more tidbits, gamers are being groomed to love the thing before it even comes out.

It’s not Blizzard’s fault that they’re sitting on arguably the most anticipated video-game sequel of all time, but I for one miss the days when this kind of garbage wasn’t necessary or even wanted. People played the original StarCraft because it beat the hell out of Command & Conquer. Now it’s like people are ready to play StarCraft II just because they have warm memories of Grandma pouring homemade syrup over the original.

Unfortunately, I don’t think this fact has been lost on Blizzard. That’s why they didn’t seem to think twice before slapping fans in the face these past years with the joke project that was StarCraft Ghost, with the crappy novels that only cosplay fans want to read, with the non-sensible bake-sale and art contests…they flat out missed their chance to strike while the iron was hot. They had the attention of the entire gaming world and they choose to diddle it away in every conceivable fashion, starting with the totally unnecessary project to re-release all their classic games for gameboys.

What’s worse is that they have no fear of failing to live up to the original. Rightly so. They don’t even have to. They could release the game in demo stage and still break sales records. The fact that we’re stuck with the same number of units and no new races makes me worry that Blizzard hasn’t been masterful in concealing the development of the game so much as they’re just cutting corners on what should be by now the Godfather II of epic video game sequels.

We called down the thunder years ago and the whirlwind is only now upon us – Blizzard seemed too happy to let Father Time steal their thunder. Gone are the days when Bill Roeper could clap his hands and have me do a little jig. Hell, gone are the days of Bill Roeper.

Bottom line: they need to smack this one out of the park and all I want from the gaming community is to hold Blizzard to that standard. It’s like the saying goes: I criticize her most harshly because I love her most passionately. So SC lovers and ex-lovers alike: let’s not all jump up from the stands in celebration before opening day. Because if SC2 sets a good example, then there’s still hope for Duke Nukem Forever and Fallout 3.

-DS

P.S. What’s this bullshite I hear about Battle.net possibly having a monthly fee for SC2? Blasphemy! Also, stay tuned for updates on that.